Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
