he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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