Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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