Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
