i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
