why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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