Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
