On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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