I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
