I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
