it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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