all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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