...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
