What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?