Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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