i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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