We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
