We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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