nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
