shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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