just tell him i said nine months
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
