So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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