And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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