You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
