She went from zero to smokin in five shots
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize