Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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