Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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