It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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