ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
