im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
