you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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