I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
