Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
