Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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