He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
