Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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