I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize