Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
