haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
