mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
