when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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