I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Say something about gay babies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
