YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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