wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We're too hungover to prance.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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