God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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