During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We don't watch enough power rangers
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
