i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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