I wish I could teleport
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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