I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
