help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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