we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
