so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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