i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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