he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
