just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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