Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
