If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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