I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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