I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
