They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
