the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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