Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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