Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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