Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
