I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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