I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
