I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
