you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
