Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
