walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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