Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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