There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
