Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
