Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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