wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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